Ineffective Vs. Effective Coping Skills

A crisis is a turning point with the potential for positive or negative effects or both. Anything a person does as a result of a crisis is a coping pattern, whether they do it on purpose or not. That may be doing nothing. That may also be blaming others. The way an individual deals with a crisis can either be beneficial or unproductive. The following paragraph will describe coping patterns while diving deeper into the definition and effect they have been being used to deal with an issue. 

 

Some signs of Ineffective Coping may be:

Denying the problem. This occurs when someone will not perceive things how they really are and refuses to accept the truth. For example, if a woman is abused by her husband, she may deny the fact that he is abusive, and it is an unhealthy relationship because she fears the truth. To break out of the denial pattern, a person must admit there is a problem and choose how to move forward to fix it. 

Avoiding the issue. Someone may acknowledge the problem but avoid dealing with it. You may acknowledge the issue but avoid solving it constructively. When avoiding the confrontation of the issue, it is prolonged when it is put off for a long time. It is best to put up with it as soon as you can, unless avoidance is necessary to give the family time to mobilize their resources. 

Singling out a person or group for unmerited blame. Sometimes people admit the problem but feel that the blame needs to be placed on someone or something else. Scapegoating is an insidious way to respond to a crisis. It boils down to selecting one of the victims of the crisis and victimizing them. Along with that point, it often implies excuses for that blaming behavior. 

On the other hand, Effective Coping requires a person to confront a crisis and ultimately come out with a higher level of functioning and maturity. It requires:

Take Responsibility. Effective coping begins with taking responsibility for one's self and their family. This means not blaming, avoiding, or denying the issue. It also means not playing the ‘victim’ game. Taking responsibility means charting a new course as an alternative to playing the victim game. Although you cannot decide the choices of others, you can choose to not get caught up in the past and to choose how you move forward. 

Affirm Your Own and Your Family’s Worth. People's self-esteem often hits rock bottom when a crisis evolves. It is crucial to believe in one's ability to deal with difficult situations to be effective. This may require affirming the family as well, in their capacity to contribute different strengths to cope with the issue. An example of this in a story is how a woman was abused for a year and was told and believed that the abuse was okay because she was in the wrong. She saw herself as deserving to be beaten. She eventually realized that she needed to stop viewing herself as somehow deserving the abuse, and instead as a woman of worth and began a new life in another state.

Balance Self-Concern with Other-Concern. We often hear the saying that ‘you must take responsibility for your own well-being.’ However, this does not mean you should ignore that of others. Having a self-focused life is just as catastrophic as focusing on another person completely. An example of being too ‘other-focused’ is someone who stays in an abusive relationship because “my spouse needs me” to be. On the other side of that would be someone who leaves their spouse because “I want my space, so I can grow”. That would be an example of being too self-focused. Crisis’ can lead a person to become self-absorbed and not care to listen or care about others in the family. Dealing with a crisis effectively requires each person to give and take. Both self-concern and other-concern for all family members will help each family member to feel and give the support they all need. 

Learn the Art of Reframing. Redefining the meaning of something is a way of changing your perspective on a situation. This doesn't mean changing the situation itself, but the way to perceive it. It could be redefining something as adaptive and useful instead of troublesome and annoying. Reframing does not mean denial. A person can define the crisis (f.e. a robbery) as an obstacle that persists in negativity…or as something that will lead them to personal growth as they overcome it. Sometimes it just takes a change of perspective to overcome a difficulty and learn from an experience.