The Effects of Family Culture on the Foundation and Future of the Family

A family is not commonly thought about as being or having a "culture". Culture is defined as "the customs, arts, social institutions, and achievements of a particular nation, people, or social group; a lifestyle." According to the definition, a family is just that. 

 

 

According to Council on Foundations, "Children are molded by the family culture into which they are born. Growing up, their assumptions about what is right and wrong often reflect the beliefs, values, and traditions of their family culture." The Council on Foundations states that certain cultural attitudes and responses are so ingrained in family members that they continue to affect their thinking and behavior, whether those individuals are aware of such influence. As I ponder how this has represented itself in my own life, I'd like to use a real-life example--

Growing up, my parents always had us wash our own dishes right after using them. There were times when I forgot to wash my own dish, or just threw it in the sink to do later. I remember many times when my stepdad would give me a look or verbally communicate his dissatisfaction with how I was irresponsible and didn’t clean up after myself. After time and time, it became ingrained in my mind to wash my dishes almost immediately after using them. This causes me to become stressed when dishes are in the sink, even today. I find myself checking the sink even though I live in an apartment with others, and wanting to critique them for not doing their dishes—because that was my own family culture. 

I’m sure many of you can also relate to a situation like this. Many factors in our childhood are constantly influencing and becoming a part of our lives, even in adulthood. We learn to adapt, and those acts become habitual and almost “normal” to us. It's interesting to imagine every household and its own habits and backgrounds that make them unique.

The idea of adapting to a habit can also become evident in situations where the effect is negative. For example, in my family background, conflict resolution was not often looked at so positively. That is because it was rarely settled or discussed in talking about conflict and in response, striving to end it hastily. Instead, it was ignored and the hope of it going away was the "better" alternative. 

I found in my own relationships today that conflict resolution is very difficult for me. I have had to learn in my own experiences that conflict avoidance is not appropriate in handling difficult situations in friendships and relationships. To me, it seemed normal. However, once I was taken out of my “family culture”, it became a problem I had to fight to unravel.

To change my mindset, I have had to counsel others and have found resources in which to change how I think about conflict overall. It has been a tough journey--and a long one, but I have seen change over time.

Thinking about my own future family, these habits and what may be described as a "family culture" is one that I look forward to having an impact on. I know we can learn from our previous life experiences and take them into our future relationships and families and be blessed!

Although it may be difficult to adjust and change your "attitudes and behaviors" obtained in childhood, it is possible. I like to compare it to breaking an old habit--it may take more time to become accustomed to, but with time and effort, adjustments are achievable. There is hope for change, but it takes time, work, and sometimes outside resources to bring it to our attention.

Source: https://cof.org/content/effects-family-culture-family-foundations